A note on depression

I had previously written an article on anxiety, now let me write an article on its ugly first cousin called depression.

Churchill had famously declared to others about his "black dog following him" throughout life, and many creative, innovative and high-minded people of an outstanding calibre of intelligence suffer such a malaise and affliction (I dont include myself in such a list). Greats minds on the fine balance between sorrow and joy -rather than sanity and madness- seem to have their heads touch the metaphysical heights and yet plunge to the lows of Tartarus. Depression is not realistic, not in touch with reality, it seems to be a poor, rather negative response to a crisis or series of crises that trigger our feeling of despondency and defeat, but such feelings are not true.

What can take you out of this toxic mind frame? I pray, it really is the mantle and the refuge of the despairing soul with his rapier to the world and the conditions that limit him, sometimes his own voice of self-defeat can be an enemy in itself. Where are the moments of poetic beauty, each man needs a breathless tide to take us to a greater shore! Watching wildlife from afar has been a boyhood passion that never relents in the face of time, each new species and specimen I find, inspires me to write and even to study further into the mysteries of each habitat and behaviour they entail

Coming with the joys of creativity come the feelings of being overwhelmed and being smothered by the problems of life that counter and contrast the highs we have had earlier on in the week. In the past I would go stir crazy and get drunk or smoke marijuana and later in life I would take a lot of prescription pills to cope and ESCAPE, because at times all I wanted was to escape from this Alcatraz of pain and redundancy and be doped out. I look back with shame on each occasion but I know in my heart of hearts that there is another door, another choice to be made and another person out there who can relate to what I have gone through and to what you have gone through! One loses one's touch with reality -when your in my situation- every so often and go a little crazy!

I worry about the future, constantly, about finding ample full time employment, about my property issues and matters of survival and of course since I have been diagnosed with three illnesses of the mind- I do indeed worry about issues on functionality, dependencies -having to depend on family-, responsibilities and cares that need to be maintained, renewed and looked after. From the highs to the lows the reader must note that the Day is much, much brighter than the night, there is a candle that rises in its luminosity as the new day in a great new creation, do you believe in the infinite night? You possess the key for turning on the switch that converts the dark to light in an instant, no matter how bad it gets, moral integrity, love, devotion and bonds of meaning hang men in a wonderful suspension to keep them from the crocodiles of their own over-rationalities bellow the tightrope walk. For me faith is essential, but this light gets better and bigger, what have I to lose, to try is everything and as one philosopher stated "A start is the most difficult thing to have", I believe that we have the start but need the orientation to make the journey into the unknown. Each person woke into existence and knew not where nor how they came to be, but simply lived and acted like the players on the stage, but life is more than acting its about being, and for me as a Christian its about relationship with God, because I choose to know and choose to follow this path.

Each reader must note and know that their life does not belong to a psychiatrist but is in their own hands in many ways.